As 2014 draws to a close I feel really strongly like I want to share some thoughts about the year as well as some inspiration for 2015. 2014 has been one of the toughest years of my life, mostly because of the loss of my father on October 1. I’ll be completely honest and tell you that I don’t remember very much of the year before my Dad’s heart attack. Sometimes it feels like time froze on that day and I relive it over and over again, and yet here we are almost 3 months since his passing.

Ever since his passing I have been wanting to share a particular experience that I had, but I just didn’t know quite how. This is after all a food and craft blog. However this morning I read a post over on Life with Greyson and Parker and it gave me that bit of courage that I need. Chrissy said, “Wondering how YOU are going to feel about what I write isn’t real. … It doesn’t ever matter how people respond- it just matters that you say it.” So here goes.

A few weeks to a month before my Dad’s passing, I was feeling very strongly a call to serve others. A strong drive to be actively engaged in ways to give service. I like to think I offer to service to others when I see a need, but this was different. I took these promptings seriously and in my own way tried to give acts of service to others. Some were small, some a little bigger. Some were public, like collecting school supplies because of flood damage, and others were in secret. Please don’t think I’m trying to toot my own horn, it’s just a part of the story.  I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of a single time where I have given service to others and not received some benefit myself. The benefit usually comes by way of warm fuzzy feelings from knowing that you’ve made someone’s day a little brighter or lightened their load in some way.

After a few weeks of being actively engaged in service, I was feeling pretty great about how things were going. Then I woke up on September 29 to many calls, voicemails, and texts because my Dad had suffered a heart attack in the night and things were very bad. Over the course of the next few days I had a lot of time to ponder and plead with God. Rational or not, I recall asking God, Why? Why my Dad, why now, and why was this terrible thing happening when I had been working so hard to do good and serve others?

Now believe it or not, I received an answer to that question, but first let me tell you a bit about me. I’m very independent which can at times cross over into stubborn. I’m quite Type A and I like to think that I can do everything myself. I hate asking for help and I often am fool hardy enough to think I can do it all on my own. Like with most things, sometimes these traits can be strengths and sometimes weaknesses.

Back to the answer to my question. I was overcome with the thought, “You’ve been serving others so that you would be prepared to receive service from others.” I know with all my heart that, that is the truth. My whole family received a huge outpouring of love, support, and acts of service. Things that I would normally have said, “No, thank you” to were accepted with a grateful heart. I found that I was able to reach out and ask for help without feeling like I was burdening others or that I was weak. I remembered the warm fuzzies I received from serving others and so I was much more open and able to allow others to serve me.

I feel like a lot of the messages we receive from the media, facebook, and pinterest is that we have to be able to do everything, all the time and look great while we do it. It’s just not true. We all need each other. Sometimes we can be the one offering the helping hand, shoulder to cry on, or some grocery money. Sometimes we will be the ones that need those things from others. In 2015, I am going to try my best to work on remaining open to those around me. I really want to encourage you to do the same thing.

If you struggle with feeling sad, depressed, lonely, angry or any other range of negativity, go out of your way to do something nice for someone. It doesn’t have to cost a thing. It could be a smile and kind word to a stranger. You’ll feel better for it. If it feels strange or weird, do it again. You’ll get used to it.

If you struggle with feeling like you have to be perfect, strong, and keep up those appearances, let someone serve you. If you don’t have anyone offering, then ask.

I’ve never done a word of the year sort of thing, but Open seems just right for 2015. Thank you for letting me share my heart with you. This blog post was pretty hard for me to write, but it’s just one way I’m going to try to work on being open. I would like to do periodic posts throughout the year. If you have any thoughts or experiences to share please feel free to leave a comment or send me an email. I would love to hear from you.

As we close out 2014, I want to say thank you for being a part of this community. I have some big exciting plans for 2015 and I can’t wait for you to be a part of them. Thank you!

My Dad and I at my wedding in 2004